I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
one might say we're banned from that church
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
