my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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