Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so let's talk penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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