he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
