Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
