check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
