We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
