Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
