I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize