I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
