a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
