I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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