it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
