I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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