so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
