the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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