Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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