My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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