im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
