i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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