How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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