how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the day after is always just damage control
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
