Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
