Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we're making bets on your personal life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
this hospital has no fireball
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
