Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
