Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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