What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
