I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
