You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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