I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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