I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life is so much better after having sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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