Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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