Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
