sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
