the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
