It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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