Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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