she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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