matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
