can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
