So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize