my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
