tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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