God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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