Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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