Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
