Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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