I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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