u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
