No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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