i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
