Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
