She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
