i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
