If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Less talking, more tequila
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
