I look better un-naked...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
