What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
