It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
