She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
