jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
