i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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