just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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