I got chris browned last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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