Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
