idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I smell stomach acid.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
