$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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