exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
