woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
