If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
