1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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