He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
a search helicopter?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
