I'm jealous of your bromance
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
