There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
