My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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