I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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