O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
