areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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