Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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