I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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