Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
