If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
