Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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