also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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