so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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