I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
