Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
