Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
