so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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