I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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