WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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