it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
