I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
