New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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