also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
