DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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