first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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