She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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