Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
