I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
