Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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