i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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