im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
