You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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