i think i have two assholes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
