I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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